On June 20, 2008, I lost one of the most important people in my life.
I can not believe it has been so long since I have been on here. Its August 20, 2019. We just celebrated dads 71st birthday. It was a pretty decent turn out, I expected more however, everyone that loved him was there. He will be coming to join you soon mom. I never dreamed that I would loose you both so young in my life. It has been a struggle daily since you been gone. I remember all those years ago when we got the news. I made sure to come to see you every day, hoping that things would get better but it never did. Dad is fading away fast. It saddens me so deeply to see him in the condition he is in. He was so strong mom, and now so weak. I cry every single day just knowing that I'm going to get the phone call any day. I often day dream and remember the times growing up. You instilled in me wisdom, courage, and most of all strength. I see a little bit of you in each one of my children. They are 28, 20, 8 and 7 now. They are all doing well, the two oldest spread their wings and went different ways and the two youngest, only if you could of met them. Dad has tons of funny stories on them that I'm sure he will share with you in time. As I set here tonight writing this my heart is empty and broken. I know death is inevitable and someday, we will all be together. I remember the day we was at Grandpa's funeral and you was crying, you said "I forget his voice" I never dreamed that could be true, but it is. I set and listen to dad talk and I take it all in. As we age we mature and things that mattered when we were younger means nothing now. Its all about the things you can not get back in life once they are gone. I love you mom, with all my heart!
Happy 60th....all my goodness it has been 4 years. Time flies by, I remember just yesterday when we celebrated your 56th birthday. I can still here the laughter and see your lovely smile that evening. I feel your presents still with us. I know your not physically with us but I know for a fact you are here in spirit guiding us each step of the way. We visit your grave site daily. Balee is always so happy to see you. She runs as fast as she can pointing saying, Ma Ma Ma...She looks so much like Morgan...and now we have our little man Grant, he is such a big boy. I know they would make you smile to see them. Dad is a NUMBER 1 babysitter. He is so fabulous. You would be amazed at some of the things he does. I have to almost chuckle when I say this he even changes diapers. I kow you would say there is no way he does that...but he does. He loves those little ones and they adore him. To see Balee's eyes light up when she see's him is so precious. I love you so much Mom...Happy Birthday!
December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas Mom. I almost can not believe this is the 4th Christmas without you. We are all doing pretty good. You would be amazed to see dad. I have to say you would be so proud of him. He has been such a big help since Balee has arrived. Today was just not the same without you. I still have that empty feeling without you and I know everyone does. Mom, I love you. Don't ever forget that, someday we will all be together again and when that time comes I will have so many stories to share with you. Until then watch over us and know we are always thinking of you.
April 18th, 2011
Happy 59th Birthday Mom......mom would of been 59 this year....As my mind drifts back in time...I remember her last birthday we spent with her. We had a huge luau party for her. She was so surprised...She did not want that night to end and I know I sure did not....
As we stand over her grave today I wonder if she is watching us..knowing that we still care and love her more everyday...We planted a Bradford Pear next to her grave, my mother loved these trees....the beautiful white blooms in the spring time.
I love you mom......now and forever.....we will be together again in time....
It is Mother's Day 2010. Another year without mom. It is so hard to go through the holidays without her. I see people with their mothers and I think to myself, "Do these people know how lucky they are to have their mother," I have to go to a cemetary to see mine. I believe it is not fair, after all this time I just don't understand why my mom had to leave us so soon.
Don't take life for granted. It is to short, cherish your loved ones. Don't let a day pass without telling them you love them.
I love you Mom!
It has been almost a year, I still remember the day I recieved the phone call. It was March 2, 2008. I woke up early that morning, a lot on my plate that day. We had several puppy appointments. The place was busy. People looking at puppies and dropping off their puppies to be groomed. When the phone rang. My brother on the other end. (which is very rare might I add....He never calls me....) He was quiet, gut feeling, cold chills ran up and down my body. Without him telling me I knew something was wrong. He silently said "were at the hospital" he stopped talking....I was frantic by then screaming whats wrong...whats wrong...when I heard the words "Mom has Lung Cancer with no chance of survival". My world stopped, falling to my knees screaming why.
Over the next several months I watched my mother die slowly. I could never imagine the pain my mother went through. April 18, 2008, was my mother's 56th birthday. We planned a big party. I wanted it to be very special...I believe that was something my mother will never forget. She was so excited to see everyone. Everyone sat around like old times and just gossiped about the younger years.
Sadly we lost my mother on June 20, 2008. She passed away at her home. I sat with her till she left to be with the good lord. She was in a coma 2 days prior. I talked to her telling her how much she would be missed and how much I loved her. Letting her know she was the strongest lady I would ever meet in my life. She was my hero.
We are coming up on the one year mark. My heart still aches. It is so heavy and it hurts so bad. People tell me all the time its going to be okay "Take one day at a time". I wonder to myself "Do they really know how I feel"..." I take one breath at a time". Its been almost a year and I sometimes just can not believe that my mother is not here. We celebrated my Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, and her Birthday this year without her. It was so hard to deal with.
The night that Mom passed, I made a video. A tribute to her. To show how much she loved each and everyone of us. I know she is safe, loved and happy where she is now.
I will always love you